Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
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Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have fence marks all over my body
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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