so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Bring me that man meat
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
