I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
