i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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