If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
