you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
