We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
