I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
MIDGETS
????
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
