ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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