There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
