I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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