Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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