yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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