I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am mentally ready for anal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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