well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
