I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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