"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
two words...techno handjob
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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