i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
