I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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