im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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