Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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