Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
