I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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