I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
