So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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