All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
