I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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