I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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