Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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