the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
