new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
