I'm so fucking centered right now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
