I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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