its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
