my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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