really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
