i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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