I love black thongs
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
