Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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