I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
