I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
