did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
