you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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