we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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