i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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