so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
