Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You need a sexual gate keeper
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
