We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
