i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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