You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
