He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
