I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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