Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
