Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
