3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
