best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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