i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
