So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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