your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
