You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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