This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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