nut hugger
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
