can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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