i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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