This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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