so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
