Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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