I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
