just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Girls should come with a carfax report
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
