What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
