If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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