I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
