Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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