Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
