How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
