This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
