considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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