When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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