3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
now i know why i became what i already was.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
