We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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