Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Four minutes until I can fart!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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