I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
