Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
